Those Moments...

Last Wednesday night at church I had one of those "moments" I would rather forget. After totally losing it with my kids (at chruch), I came home put the kids to bed, cried, prayed, journaled (this did not get posted), and feeling defeated I went to bed. The next morning I felt better, with new energy and determination I made a chore list for the kids and had a family meeting "we are going to do things different" was the theme. We were devoted to this for about 2 days and now 1 week later, the chore list is old news on the refrigerator and we are back to the same old struggles.

I just come back to the same conclusions. Life is hard! Raising children is hard! I think harder than I ever imagined. Sometimes Zach and I will have those days when we think, "What have we gotten ourselves into?" Please do not misunderstand what I am saying. I love my children more than I ever knew I could love someone or something. I think that is just it, never has something mattered more in my life, never have a had a passion about anything more than I have passion about my children. Children just bring out raw emotion, because we love them with everything we have in us.

All this to say that --oh how I need the Lord, not just to know about Him or of Him, but to intimately know Him every day. How I need to depend on Him for every decision. How I need to go to Him when I am frustrated with life and how hard it is. Oh how easy it is not to do this.
How satan wants to steal my joy and make me uneffective. How he wants me to think "I cannot do this, I am not a good mom, I am miserable with my kids, or I have got the most difficult kids in the world!!!" All these are lies that Satan uses on me when I am not seeking the Lord daily!!!

As I watch my children, I see them constantly wanting to be independent. To do things on their own and to seek their own way. When I think of my relationship with God I see how easy it is to slip back into this mindset. It comes to us naturally. We have to work against this, to seek total dependence on God, for Him to guide us daily.

As I look at the old chore list on the fridge, God is telling me, quit worrying about specifics with the kids, what you are doing, not doing. It is not about getting it exactly right, or about making all the right parenting decisions. It is about totally depending on me, trusting me with every decision, praying for my children and for myself as I try to show my kids my relationship with Christ.



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